VIPPER was feeling a little hungry. In his refrigerator he had nothing but mold and empty plastic bags. His wallet was equally empty sans the mold. Yet, he was determined to get some nutrition.

>>2 VIPPER puts his shoes on and goes outside
>>3 VIPPER calls his VIP-friends for advice
>>4 VIPPER decides to browse the internet to keep his mind off his hunger

VIPPER didn't have a pair of shoes, but went outside with his left sock on anyway. Boy oh boy, that stomach ain't gonna fill itself.
The street was a little bit broken-glassy to the left, and to the right -- just as VIPPER closed the front door -- a van full of mouse traps fell over and spilled its load all over the place.

>>5 VIPPER braves the broken glass to the left
>>6 VIPPER rolls for agility and attempts the mouse trap obstacle course to the right
>>7 VIPPER checks inventory and scans the environment for other options
>>8 VIPPER eats a mouse trap because he's so damn hungry

VIPPER goes through his phone list on his viPhone, but whenever he tries to call someone, they won't answer. Angered and frustrated, he punches the wall, but just as he retracts his fist, the whole cupboard comes crashing down over him.

>>9 VIPPER tries to crawl his way out
>>10 VIPPER succumbs to the weight of the cupboard

VIPPER furtively alt-tabs to his web browser, clicking around to ends unknown even to himself.

>>11 VIPPER browses porn. heck, what else is there?
>>12 VIPPER researches papal defecation on VIPipedia
>>13 VIPPER orders take-out online
>>14 VIPPER posts on a textboard and unwisely causes a CYOA thread to expand by a degree of 4

VIPPER bravely yet cautiously steps through the hazardous field of broken glass, but alas, happens upon a carelessly discarded banana peel. VIPPER's foot gives way to the slippery demon and VIPPER tumbles to his nigh-certain doom.

>>15 VIPPER shields his face with his mittened hands
>>16 VIPPER sacrifices himself and tosses his mittens to safety
>>17 VIPPER activates the emergency parachute

VIPPER recalls the arduous ninja training of his youth. This is just like picking carp out of a pond while upside down. DEX 17, 1d20 = 7, easy as pie. A hop and a skip later,

>>18 VIPPER avoids every mousetrap and lands gracefully atop the tipped van
>>19 VIPPER discovers the Hikky profession's DEX -10 penalty

There's a noose hanging from the streetlight a bit further down the road. A whole lot of people with signs that say "DO IT!", "COME ON!", "IT'S FOR YOU" are standing around it, pointing at their signs and at you, signalling you to come over.

You decide you want none of this and go home to browse the internet instead. >>4

You think this is a good opportunity to make some friends in your otherwise lonely life, so you move forth. >>5

VIPPER quickly runs back inside to fetch the mouse from his computer. Upon returning outside VIPPER holds the cord in his left hand and, with his right, throws the mouse into the flock of mousetraps. One mousetrap takes the bait and clamps down on the mouse. Excited by this big catch, VIPPER takes the mousetrap out to the backyard to grill it, only to discover that he is out of propane.

>>6 VIPPER rolls for agility and attempts to go to the propane store through the mouse trap obstacle course
>>21 VIPPER impatiently microwaves the mousetrap

VIPPER barely makes his way out before the cupboard EXPLODES in a fiery ball of fire and explosion. VIPPER rolls around on the floor for a long time before realizing that he is not actually on fire himself. VIPPER stands up and sees that the explosion opened up a hole in the floor that leads to an underground passage. VIPPER grabs a flashlight and goes down into the underground passage. It is dark and damp and cavelike. A long hallway extends NORTH and SOUTH. VIPPER shines a light down both ends but sees nothing but more hallway.

>>20 VIPPER goes NORTH.
>>22 VIPPER goes SOUTH.

Death has appeared! VIPPER breathes his last as a whiteness slowly closes in from the edges of his vision. So long, mortal flesh.

>>23 VIPPER goes to hell
>>24 VIPPER goes to the underworld
>>25 VIPPER's body is interred and slowly rots in a casket six feet under

VIPPER navigates to the most trusted pornography website on the internet, Google, and proceeds to type "hot young teens" into the search field.

>>26 VIPPER is feeling lucky
>>27 VIPPER is not feeling lucky

VIPPER has a sudden heart-attack from the results.

>>10 a VIPPER must follow this path

Little does VIPPER know that the food-ordering places do not accept pocket lint as payment.

VIPPER is back to square one: >>1
VIPPER orders anyhow and hopes for the best: >>28

My god, that's the end of that thread, isn't it. Now no-one will maintain coherent story arcs because it'll take 200 replies for the next number to come up. What to do, oh what to do?

>>4 VIPPER invokes the Lord of Recursion to smite down his folly
>>44 VIPPER tries to invoke the Lord of Recursion but his finger slips, invoking the Lord of Reimbursement instead
>>444 VIPPER waits very patiently for his number to come up, finally
>>10 VIPPER commits seppuku, which is fairly bad-ass a thing to do by your lonesome!

VIPPER crushes every bone in his body and has his skin pierced with glass until he bleeds all over, but at least his face is fine.

VIPPER tries to Hugh Glass it back home: >>29
VIPPER gives up hope: >>10

IPPER crushes every bone in his body and has his skin pierced with glass until he bleeds all over.

VIPPER tries to Hugh Glass it back home: >>29
VIPPER gives up hope: >>10

VIPPER avoids getting all the bones in his body crushed but a sudden gust of wind takes hold of his parachute and he gets dragged through a mile of glass just to hear a woman fart walkie-talkie.

VIPPER closes his eyes as the last drop of blood exits his body: >>10

The tipped van descends into darkness as VIPPER pushes it into the ground by the weight of his body. His eyes go dim. >>10

VIPPER thinks he was clever, but as the magically appearing ghost sword out of nowhere slowly slices up his intestines he realises that maybe he wasn't so clever after all... >>10

VIPPER gets to the end of the NORTH hallway. There he sees a door and a bright orb.

VIPPER opens the door: >>30
VIPPER touches the orb: >>10

VIPPER eats the mousetrap after 21 seconds of microwaving it. It tastes rather metallic and it's hard to digest. As the spring mechanism slides down his throat it activates, snaps shut, and prevents air from passing through. >>10

VIPPER strides SOUTH. The hallway is bright and clean, but a speck of dust in the corner at the end catches his eye so he decides to mop it up. Unfortunately he does not have a clean piece of cloth.

Attack speck of dust with tongue: >>31
Run against the wall at full speed: >>10
Go back: >>9

The DEVIL HIMSELF greets VIPPER at the GATES OF HELL. He tells VIPPER that he's not seen the real hell yet, but he whispers the directions softly into his ear: >>1

It is dark and moist in the underworld. The ground is slippery and the walls even more. VIPPER proceeds with caution until he comes to a dead end.

VIPPER tries to feel up the walls to see if he can find a secret opening: >>32
VIPPER wishes really hard that this didn't happen to him and that he was back home on his computer again: >>4

THE END.

Replay? >>1

VIPPER comes across a huge load, but it wasn't of the kind he expected. This was indeed a sticky situation.

VIPPER continues surfing: >>4
VIPPER tries once more to consult the search engines: >>11
VIPPER goes to the bathroom to wash it off: >>33

VIPPER gets shot through the window by an aging cop with a revolver. As the outside air breathes into his brain, he slumps down in front of his computer. >>10

The chef is incensed that you would try to order food without paying, he decides to use VIPPER to test the frying oil, the grill, and the cutting board in that order for effectiveness.
In his dying moments VIPPER thinks to himself "I really wish he'd have fucked my neckhole right after I died so I wouldn't be dying a virgin"

VIPPER is dead, he goes to the land of the dead >>37

VIPPER limps back home with a Hugh piece of Glass up his arse. There's quite a lot of blood, disturbingly much so. What to do?

>>34 VIPPER continues to bleed, helplessly
>>45 VIPPER calls customer service to get his ass refunded
>>78 VIPPER conducts an eldritch ritual with his virginal butt-blood (the recipe calls for that, yeah?)

As the door opens, a shimmer of light gleams through the opening and engulfs his vision, making everything around him darker by contrast. As his eyes adjust to the light, he sees a familiar sight. It was his refrigerator, and it was still empty.

VIPPER now finds himself at home again.

>>2 VIPPER puts his shoes on and goes outside
>>3 VIPPER calls his VIP-friends for advice
>>4 VIPPER decides to browse the internet to keep his mind off his hunger

A VIPPER licks the dust with his tongue. Oh boy! Now he has stomach cancer. >>10

The walls are warm and moist, and VIPPER gives them a good touching. Lots and lots of sensual red flag touches. It sure is stimulating down in the underworld. Soon enough a secret passage opens.

>>35 VIPPER rings the bell gently
>>42 VIPPER dives right in