Today I am going to tell you a true story about Minecraft Survival Multiplayer, a tale of love, cubes of dirt, and bittersweet revenge.

Today I went to a random public server, and was informed upon arrival that it was only a temporary map, since the server mods had yet to be updated. As a result, it was a free-for-all server. I walked out a bit and began to build. Then I was killed. I walked out somewhere else, and got a little further. I was killed again. I repeated this two more times, until frustration got the better of me. I knew what I had to do. I had to get revenge on the virtual society that continued to strike me down.

I walked in one direction for miles, never letting go of the 'w' key. I didn't look back. I passed over countless atolls, crossed countless mountains, and swam through oceans and seas. Finally, when I felt I had walked long enough so that no other player could find me, I began to dig.

I mined and mined until my arms could mine no more. Just as I was about to give up my quest for revenge, I stumbled upon diamond. Beautiful, gorgeous diamond. Making copious use of the item duplication glitch, I crafted myself diamond swords and full diamond armor. I collected everything I needed, and then I was ready. I typed /home.

Upon my return to spawn, I went on a quest to kill any and every person upon whom I stumbled. I watched other bandits burn down people's houses, and then killed the bandits myself. People began to accuse me of griefing and hacking, but my misanthropy was undisturbed. I felt that this was a task granted to me by the devil himself.

Then, I found him. That beautiful, innocent lumberjack. He was innocently whacking a tree, trying to collect wood and saplings. With a few slices of my diamond blade, I smote him without pause. But as soon as the life had slipped out of him, I immediately felt a twinge of regret. "I just wanted to plant all my saplings! ;-;" he cried. My heart twisted at his words. Why was I, a cold-blooded killer, now feeling pity for this worthless peon? I hated to admit it, but it was love.

When he returned, I gave him a rose. I gave him a diamond sword. I gave him every sapling I owned. He thanked me and left, but did not return my love. A dejected count of Monte Cristo, I moped in my cave, finally coming to terms with the deep isolation inherent in revenge. It was too late, I could not win his love.

I walked aimlessly for a while, killing people along the way, but the initial energy in my ruthless murders was gone. It was then that I stumbled upon a couple, far far away from the spawn. As I came closer, I saw the two names: my love, and another man who I will only call R. My blood bubbled with rage. This was too much! I couldn't take it! I calmed myself however, and got out a loaf of bread that I had been saving, intending to offer it as a gift. Perhaps if I could make peace with these two men, I could learn to stifle the need for revenge in my heart. I was ready to turn over a new leaf. I happily crossed the wooden bridge to their humble little hut, and threw my loaf of bread upon the ground.

Then without warning, R pulled out a diamond sword and began attacking me! I screamed in pain, quickly took back my loaf of bread, and ran away. How could this happen? Was there no such thing as good-natured people in this world? My love only stood and laughed as I fled the scene, eating my bread to stay alive. When I had escaped the scene, R retreated, but it was too late for me to leave him alone anymore. I turned back around and set fire to his wooden bridge. I relentlessly began whacking him with my own diamond sword, every last bit of humanity escaping with every blow. It was a bloody, dishonorable battle.

Then, an explosion of tools and items. He had died! Victory! 'But wait,' I thought, 'those look like my tools and items!' And indeed they were. R, who was still alive and moving, picked them up, the glorious victor. I slowly realized: it was not he who had died, but I. Why then, had I not returned to spawn? Why did I still have half a blinking heart left? Why could I still walk and jump like a living being?

Then I realized that although I could move, nobody could see me. I walked right through my love and that bastard R without them noticing. I could not pick up items or take damage. I was a ghost. A minecraft ghost, left to invisibly wander the lonely lands of this public server in search of revenge, never again to find love or happiness. I tested my ghostly powers on one unsuspecting fool who was passing by. I found that my ghostly diamond sword still had the power to strike people down. Although he could not see me, I could still kill him. Whatever minecraft gods or devils there may be, they had seen the need for revenge in my heart, and in an ironic twist given me the ultimate revenge body.

I knew what I had to do. I hunted down R. I stalked him as he walked around, gloating to others, "I got full diamond armor from some hacker I killed." Little did he know what fate lay in store for him. I began to enact my ghostly rage upon his naive neck, striking him as he walked. "Wtf," he typed, "why am I taking damage?" As much as he struggled to escape his invisible pursuer, he could not escape. My fury knew no end. Though breaking through his diamond armor was a long and arduous task, he could not fight back. My poisonous hatred slowly cut away at his armor little by little, no matter where he wandered.

Finally, I cut away the last of his armor. "wtf" he typed again, his mind clouded with confusion. In desperation, he leaped into the ocean, but minecraft ghosts can swim too. He scrambled onto a lonely island, his last retreat. He could have pleaded with me all he wanted, and I would not have held my blade. With one last swipe, I removed his head, and all my old items came spilling out of his deceased body and spilled onto the ocean floor. My revenge was done.

I returned to spawn and continued to haunt that cursed server, killing every unsuspecting miner upon which I stumbled. They could not see or harm me. I was the ultimate mob. But as a ghost, I would never again be able to feel true love.