True story! Let me tell you about my best poop of 2010!
I am too tired to craft the grandiose AA infographics that would be required to accurately convey the excitement and the violence of my narrative, so I will try to paint VIVID MENTAL IMAGES with my typography instead.

Dramatis personæ: Me, and a big pile homemade BLINIS I had gorged on for a WEEK.

So, I hadn't pooped for THREE DAYS.
Every day, I prayed for my loins to be relieved.
But it didn't happen. I suffered so much!
On the morning of the fourth day, I vowed to rid my insides of their curse, by refusing to leave the facilities until I expelled every last chunk!

Suddenly, a miracle happened! Yes! It was there! POOP! Pounds of it. Kilograms of it. Half a bowlful pre-wipe.

I flushed that MOTHERFUCKER.

But it didn't go down.
My poop was still there.
The water was almost overflowing, with a LONG, UNINTERRUPTED tube of POOP floating in a spiral pattern.

So I went behind the house and removed the cover of the drain thingy, not sure how plumbers call the stuff, but as for myself, I call it the filthy poop pit.

It was full of a mixture of SHIT, PISS, and TP CONFETTI. All the dung lingered there like it owned the place.

So I grabbed my hose. I stood at a safe distance and I fired. The foulest smell your mind would never allow you to imagine filled the whole NEIGHBORHOOD.

It took longer than sniping a dragon with a dexterity stat of 10, but I SLEW THE SLIMY SLUDGE.

I grabbed the LONGEST stick I could find and inspected the pipe.
I found ROOTS growing in it.
I didn't bother to call a lumberjack. I just ripped those BITCHES with my GLOVED HANDS.

Then, I flushed again.

~ THE END ~