A few moments ago I suddenly found myself rudely awakened by a fly buzzing loudly in my ear. I sat up in bed with a start, but the incessant noise only grew in volume as I became conscious, for the creature remained firmly attached to my distressed dome. Adrenaline shot through my veins, and though I am normally a mild-mannered beast, I began to shout at the top of my lungs and tear wildly at my hair. Once the involuntary episode of terror had passed, I slowly came to my senses and stumbled into the bathroom to gulp down two calming glasses of water.

Having cleared my head, I stumbled back into my bedroom, where my sacred slumber had been so recently disturbed by the carnal whims of that misguided insect. I had begun to relax when I heard that tell-tale vibration of wings. I whipped around to see the fly mockingly buzzing across the headboard of my bed.

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a spray bottle of Permethrin, a chemical normally saved for the leaves of my garden plants to deter parasites. Muttering swear words best saved for other humans other my breath, I mercilessly drowned the dipterous menace in a shower of sweet liquid death. It remained in place, stunned by the sudden onslaught of poisonous rain. Seeing it so transfixed, I was struck by inspiration and decided to grab it with a nearby tissue. Before I knew what I was doing I found myself crushing the fly's body between two fingers, softly chuckling like a madman. In the back of my mind I vaguely wondered what had driven a normally peaceful man to such remorseless violence.

I am getting really sick of these fucking flies.